Yes, Ironic…

I just don’t know what to think about Kenpatchi. He really betrayed EM by trying to hire Veto against us. He drove his own selfish goal without caring that he does put every pilot and their crew in danger or that it would mean Veto focusing more Republic area. No matter, what his reasons where, that is the case.

Reasons aren’t too clear to me either. I have pieced something together from bits and pieces…In logs he claimed revenge against Veren. Anuko had broken her ribs in sparring with Veren; apparently Kenpatchi was pissed of to Veren and wanted him to suffer in his turn. My first thought was what an idiot, if he is ready to hire group of merc without caring what collateral damage happens when her girl get hurt in friendly training session what he does next when he gets pissed of for something else. Since that he has himself said that it was more and excuse for trying to hire Veto, he mainly wanted EM to turn more against Veto. He had only seen that Veto is red, but despite that EM seemed to be rather friendly with them. Still this felt false, EM as whole hasn’t been friendly with them, just Sonja dating Karlos (who is bit special case) and then few people going TLG for beers. But I still wouldn’t call it being friendly with them; we still shoot them if we see them in Republic area. Then someone said in side sentence that Anuko had had a fling with a Veto pilot… ok now that starts to make more sense. Good old jealousy… not a good reason… but makes sense. His girl having fling with a Veto pilot probably also makes the friendliness look lot bigger thing.

It is really ironic… His actions showed that Verone and Veto do have more integrity than he did. This confirmed to me, that my thinking, that there are difference between pirates and pirates. Verone and Veto are from more honorable end of that scale and that they don’t do everything for money and that they try to avoid attacking EM. Something I did expect from them. Quite the opposite of what Kenpatchi aimed… yes, ironic.

She is back in looking help from the bottle...

Poor girl… Anuko is really down. She is feeling betrayed by Kenpatchi but same time she still loves him. She desperately would want someone to tell her what do with the whole issue. Even if she is crying her eyes out and going mad I can’t tell her that. In the end only she can decide what to do with him. I just hope her mental recovery doesn’t take serious set-back. She was already doing so well, looked happy and normal, her life seemed to work. Now she is back in looking help from the bottle.

I really hope I am learning to do something right...

Early wake up of Saturday was worth it. Ulf had invited couple of his friends to spend evening (for them but morning for me) with us so I could meet them. There was Matariki and Jacob and Ciarente with a friend. They were all nice and I felt welcome in their company. This time I didn’t have the feeling that Matariki is distant in my company. It feels like we are slowly but steadily systematically mingling our lives with Ulf. We have really seen effort to learn how we both are. He is seeing effort to get to know my friends and vice versa. There have been talks that he would take me to Paiho to meet his family and that he would like to meet my parents. Everything feels to work out like a dream. It just feels to be too good to be true. I can’t help to expect a moment when we wake up to hard reality, but I hope that finally I am doing something right.

In my past relationships I can’t remember that there would have been such an effort from both sides to become part of the life of the other one. Veren really avoided letting me close or didn’t want to get involved too close with my life. Mordenkainan, Teo and Simeon all relatively short and hot relationships with fun moments and being there for the other when needed, but no real effort to really become part of other one’s life, even attempts to keep one out part of the life and then when the waking up to reality finally happened there wasn’t enough ties to keep us together. With Roc there was more effort to get to know each others, but not so systematic steps what we have taken with Ulf. Roc never really invited me to meet his friends or see effort to become friends with mines. I think the dream with him is over and we are in the part finding out did we create enough ties to each others to stay together... currently I am not sure of that.

I really hope I am learning to do something right...

I feel good…

Weekend was relaxing. I am glad I decided to ask few friends over to celebrate my birthday. I hadn’t done that for ages. I hadn’t realized before that how much I have actually missed that feeling. Friendly chatter, everyone behaved, no arguments between my friends even Sonja and Bel acted nice when Karlos was mentioned, getting drunk just enough… just forgetting all the work and unpleasanties for one evening. As added bonus Masim was visiting space side again and he even had time to come to spend some time with us! Masim here brought memories. He had managed to dig up that Gallentean green stuff somewhere. Sheesh I hadn’t drink it since Chase was around.

Somehow this break week has also started pretty well. I have managed to do the little chores I have been planning and start to work for a new agent. It actually feels good that I don’t have to think about what is the mineral situation somewhere and that I probably should go do few days of hauling before I go do my own chores. I am actually relaxing and recharging my batteries. After couple of weeks I might even feel ready for next combat period.

This has just been good week. I feel good.