Does anyone in Gradient really know him...

Bel broke up with Theron. She still loves him, but I think she did the correct thing. She wasn’t feeling well in that relationship. I wonder how Theron is doing. Did he love Isobel or was it just convenient to have lover. He has always been the distant perfect guy, polite director that is good in everything he does. Never lets anyone close, until Bel… except in the end he didn’t let her that close either. Does he have hart, does he have feelings, does he have any really close friends to whom he would talk? He hides his feelings really well. He has to have someone he trusts. It would be really horrible life, not to trust anyone, never let anyone close… like Veren.

This makes me think. WhoTheron really is? What is his back ground? Does he have some dark secrets in his past? Does anyone in Gradient really know him?

This week has been better…

Not so many people feel like familiar strangers. It helped to go drink with Bel and Anuko even the drinking part got little bit out hand. Looks like Isobel has also been putting up the mask of bright face and smile and now the mask were taken off, at least for a while. It felt more genuine. For a change Anuko is the one being strong and feeling well.

Flying has been coming back for me; I don’t feel so rusty and out of place anymore. My ships and fittings still are out of date. The preference for ship types what FCs want for fleets has changed during my absence so I need to update them and I hate planning fittings. Other than updating my ships I have almost caught up with the various tasks that have been waiting my comeback. In general, this week has been better.

I just put up bright face and smile...

Sheesh during the time I was away from space they did some interface updates and tests with my pod and managed to mess all my settings. Christ what a work to get them on level I feel comfortable flying. I really waited to get back to space flying. I waited to be one with the ship. But now that I am finally back I feel weird. I’m rusty and out of date; I am not sure would I trust myself on flying combat, not to mention fleet commanding.

Corp is full of familiar strangers. I am sure it’s not them but me. I don’t know how to be with the others after getting used to being just with my thoughts and putting up bright face to mom and Adrianelle. I put up cheerful and bright face to people in corp. too despite that I am not so cheerful. It’s great that Adrianelle is better but it still can be just weeks and she is back on state where she was fighting for her life. I still need to decide what to do with the clan Lougherne. Try to get to know them, really know them, and not just let them talk pretty to a pilot.

Others don’t deserve my negative and dark mood. I should be happy for Adrianelle, happy for finding out long lost relatives, happy to be back in space, but somehow the happiness just isn’t there. So I just put up bright face and smile.