So I keep trying...

I have slowly started to believe into possibility of spirits. On planet side it was so much more easier to believe that every living thing in the nature has spirit. There, also possibility of ancestors looking after us, seemed more likely.

Here in space that feels lot harder to really believe. Everything here is man made, there really isn't nature around us. If I miss something from the planet side, it is the nature and the connection to it. I can't even start to describe the feeling at night alone in the wilderness after inhaling smoke from the sacred fire. I have never felt more alive. According to Orthanach the blood of my ancestors is strong in me, apparently even among them it is not usual to form that strong connection to the surroundings. In there I can almost believe to ancestors, that they stay with us, that they protect us. In the nature there is so strong anonymous life around us, but also something friendly. Maybe that friendly force is the ancestors. I kind of like the idea.

In space the closest connection to the universe around me is when I am the ship, floating in the space. The wide space around me is the closest thing to nature here, but it is not the same thing. Space is so dead, there isn't anything growing there. I can be same with it when I am the ship, but it doesn't fill me with life and there isn't anything friendly around us. Here it is very hard for me to believe into ancestors looking after us.

Orthanach encourages me to find connection with my surroundings here. He says I am pilot, that I belong to space so I should seek my connection with it. Space isn't his domain so he can't guide me here. But he says that the blood of ancestors is strong in me, it will guide me to find my way if I keep trying... so I keep trying.