Personal Diary 23.2.115
12 years ago
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Just little bit longer...
It's not lying if I don't tell everything... yet... right? I just hope I am nobody enough in Republic and that they aren't bold enough to check pilot register. I gave strict orders to the agent for what to tell and what not to. I want to be an average Gallentean girl... just little bit longer.
Monday, November 22, 2010
It feels even darker after the glimpse of a sun...
I am back in the dark cocoon with my thoughts and nothing to distract me from them. Dark, pessimistic, cynical… my head isn’t a nice place to be. It feels even darker after the glimpse of a sun.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Br, Jarvis Lougherne
Dear Carinelle,
I am so happy to hear about you. Words are not enough to describe emotions going through me… joy, relief, sadness. I and my wife have lived 45 years in unsureness, not knowing is our son dead or still alive somewhere, suffering or happy. Even after all these years we haven’t forgot him, we have burned every year on his birthday candle of remembrance to him, hoping he is alive and happy somewhere but being afraid of the worst. It was great to hear that regardless how young he was taken from us he still held a memory of us. I attached a picture of me and Emily taken roughly 40 years ago, so you can see the curls of which her he did remember. Nowadays those black curls are white as snow.
I am sad to hear that he is dead, but happy to hear that they never broke him, that he was strong and that he found love in his life and had a child regardless of circumstances. I am sad to hear that the woman he loved… Adrianelle… is badly sick, I hope there would be a chance to meet her. It would be great to talk with the woman my son loved and hear from her what kind of man my son had become. I also hope more than anything that you will give us a chance to get to know you. You are one of our grandchildren. You were lost but now found through luck. I understand that you can’t leave Adrianelle now, but when you can you are anytime welcome to visit us at Olfeim IV. In the mean time I an Emily both will be writing to you.
Br, Jarvis Lougherne
I am so happy to hear about you. Words are not enough to describe emotions going through me… joy, relief, sadness. I and my wife have lived 45 years in unsureness, not knowing is our son dead or still alive somewhere, suffering or happy. Even after all these years we haven’t forgot him, we have burned every year on his birthday candle of remembrance to him, hoping he is alive and happy somewhere but being afraid of the worst. It was great to hear that regardless how young he was taken from us he still held a memory of us. I attached a picture of me and Emily taken roughly 40 years ago, so you can see the curls of which her he did remember. Nowadays those black curls are white as snow.
I am sad to hear that he is dead, but happy to hear that they never broke him, that he was strong and that he found love in his life and had a child regardless of circumstances. I am sad to hear that the woman he loved… Adrianelle… is badly sick, I hope there would be a chance to meet her. It would be great to talk with the woman my son loved and hear from her what kind of man my son had become. I also hope more than anything that you will give us a chance to get to know you. You are one of our grandchildren. You were lost but now found through luck. I understand that you can’t leave Adrianelle now, but when you can you are anytime welcome to visit us at Olfeim IV. In the mean time I an Emily both will be writing to you.
Br, Jarvis Lougherne
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Maybe we could try to get to know each other’s via letters...
Dear Jarvis Lougherne,
I don’t know how I should start a letter to a grandfather who I week ago didn’t know to have. You should know by now that there is match to DNA sample you had provided to Dal Family Reunions, so you should know that somewhere in here is a girl that very likely is your granddaughter.
My biological mother Adrianelle and father Caren … your son… met in captivity as human guinea pigs in test laboratories of some Amarr medical facility. According Amars your son was trouble. He was problem case since he kept fighting in any way he could, he didn’t accept his position, and he agitated others. That’s why he was there, that was a place where they sent troublemakers. According Adrianelle “Caren” was the only name he remembered from his past. In general he didn’t have many memories left from his childhood, but he had hazy image in his head about her mother and father… a curly, black haired woman who’s laugh was like a stream of water and who used to hug him warmly after he had hurt himself on some mischief and a big bold man who used to scold him after the mentioned mischief but then take him to watch space ships in any case.
To everyone’s surprise they fell in love and Adrianelle became pregnant. They wanted their child to born in freedom and that drove them to escape. They partly succeeded… mother got away but Caren died in the process. Mother escaped to Federation. She was badly sick and wasn’t sure what the medical tests had done to her and to her unborn child. She wasn’t sure would she live to see the birth of her child. She agreed with her best friend and her husband that they would adopt the child and be parents for it. She lived to see the child to born, a healthy child. She was terribly sick after it for months and no-one believed she would survive, but she did. But she felt it was better that the child… I… would be safer if no-one knew who her real parents were and it would be better for the child to have two healthy parents that are not in a risk to die anytime the virus in her system would decide to activate itself. So she became just my godmother.
I grew up without knowing anything of this. Then few years back through a complicated series of events I became to hear the main parts of the story. This year then I heard about these services that reunite ex-slaves to clans based on DNA matches and decided to try my luck and here we are.
I actually live in Republic but currently I am visiting Adrianelle in Federation. Her illness is in terminal phase so I try to spend as much as time as I can with her. But if you wish I could come to meet you when Adrianelle is on more stable phase. In a meantime maybe we could try to get to know each other’s via letters.
Best regards,
Carinelle Avriette
I don’t know how I should start a letter to a grandfather who I week ago didn’t know to have. You should know by now that there is match to DNA sample you had provided to Dal Family Reunions, so you should know that somewhere in here is a girl that very likely is your granddaughter.
My biological mother Adrianelle and father Caren … your son… met in captivity as human guinea pigs in test laboratories of some Amarr medical facility. According Amars your son was trouble. He was problem case since he kept fighting in any way he could, he didn’t accept his position, and he agitated others. That’s why he was there, that was a place where they sent troublemakers. According Adrianelle “Caren” was the only name he remembered from his past. In general he didn’t have many memories left from his childhood, but he had hazy image in his head about her mother and father… a curly, black haired woman who’s laugh was like a stream of water and who used to hug him warmly after he had hurt himself on some mischief and a big bold man who used to scold him after the mentioned mischief but then take him to watch space ships in any case.
To everyone’s surprise they fell in love and Adrianelle became pregnant. They wanted their child to born in freedom and that drove them to escape. They partly succeeded… mother got away but Caren died in the process. Mother escaped to Federation. She was badly sick and wasn’t sure what the medical tests had done to her and to her unborn child. She wasn’t sure would she live to see the birth of her child. She agreed with her best friend and her husband that they would adopt the child and be parents for it. She lived to see the child to born, a healthy child. She was terribly sick after it for months and no-one believed she would survive, but she did. But she felt it was better that the child… I… would be safer if no-one knew who her real parents were and it would be better for the child to have two healthy parents that are not in a risk to die anytime the virus in her system would decide to activate itself. So she became just my godmother.
I grew up without knowing anything of this. Then few years back through a complicated series of events I became to hear the main parts of the story. This year then I heard about these services that reunite ex-slaves to clans based on DNA matches and decided to try my luck and here we are.
I actually live in Republic but currently I am visiting Adrianelle in Federation. Her illness is in terminal phase so I try to spend as much as time as I can with her. But if you wish I could come to meet you when Adrianelle is on more stable phase. In a meantime maybe we could try to get to know each other’s via letters.
Best regards,
Carinelle Avriette
I don’t feel anything for him...
I have clan… grandparents, uncle, two aunties… probably some cousins… I don’t know what I should think or feel. Jarvis Lougherne… now he is just name on a paper. I don’t feel anything for him.
Belth Investigations Ltd
Dear Ms Avriette,
Thank you for contacting us. As response to your inquiry of clan Lougherne and Jarvis Lougherne, here is the information available quickly from public records. Our investigators are on your use if you wish us to perform deeper study.
Clan Lougherne:
With best regards
Winona Belth,
Investigator, Belth Investigations Ltd
Thank you for contacting us. As response to your inquiry of clan Lougherne and Jarvis Lougherne, here is the information available quickly from public records. Our investigators are on your use if you wish us to perform deeper study.
Clan Lougherne:
- Based on Olfeim IV, but some members registered to live on various stations around Heimatar
- Leader: Addolgar Lougherne son of Anwir and Lysanor Lougherne (Lysanor Lougherne sister of Jarvis Lougherne)
- 96 registered members
- Associated strongly with Trade House Lougherne
- Married to Emily Lougherne, 4 children Caren (reported missing since 5 years age), Cain, Wynne and Vala
- Ex leader of inter planetary unit of Trade House Lougherne
- CEO: Addolgar Lougherne
- Leader of intra planet trade: Eponette Lughern (daughter of Epona Lughern)
- Leader of inter planetary trade: Cain Lougherne (son of Jarvis Lougherne)
- Old and respected intra planet trading house in Olfeim IV
- Roughly 30 years ago launched small inter planetary trade branch by Jarvis Lougherne
- Even inter planetal branch is small in size it currently creates roughly 50% of the profit of the trade house
With best regards
Winona Belth,
Investigator, Belth Investigations Ltd
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I am not going to be used by anyone...
Of course you should make contact with them! They are your kin! You owe it to Carin that you make contact with them”
It’s not that simple. My life is what it is, partly because of decisions made by you. My life works now. I am not so sure do I want to add complications to it. I am pilot, wealthy pilot, filthy rich from dirt dweller point of view. What would you do, if a billionaire would contact you and tell that she is your long lost granddaughter? Of course you would welcome her with smile and open arms. But would your feelings be real… yes at least as long as you think her wallet and what she could do for you.
Of course I am curious for… who are my grandparents… from what kind of background my biological father came… do I have tons of aunties and cousins… but I don’t know can I make real relationships to them as pilot. Is it all they see? It might have been different if I would have got to know them in my childhood when I was just plain Carinelle, a kid of a promising young researcher. Besides they don’t know what kind of man my biological father was. They now what kind of a toddler he was, but they don’t have a clue who he grew up to be.
But if nothing else than to make your last days happy I will contact them, maybe I can arrange that my … grandfather… could meet you… But I am not going to walk there blind; I want to be fully informed… who the political parties are there, who are the ones behind the power, what kind of game they play and what are the stakes in the game. I am not going to be used by anyone.
It’s not that simple. My life is what it is, partly because of decisions made by you. My life works now. I am not so sure do I want to add complications to it. I am pilot, wealthy pilot, filthy rich from dirt dweller point of view. What would you do, if a billionaire would contact you and tell that she is your long lost granddaughter? Of course you would welcome her with smile and open arms. But would your feelings be real… yes at least as long as you think her wallet and what she could do for you.
Of course I am curious for… who are my grandparents… from what kind of background my biological father came… do I have tons of aunties and cousins… but I don’t know can I make real relationships to them as pilot. Is it all they see? It might have been different if I would have got to know them in my childhood when I was just plain Carinelle, a kid of a promising young researcher. Besides they don’t know what kind of man my biological father was. They now what kind of a toddler he was, but they don’t have a clue who he grew up to be.
But if nothing else than to make your last days happy I will contact them, maybe I can arrange that my … grandfather… could meet you… But I am not going to walk there blind; I want to be fully informed… who the political parties are there, who are the ones behind the power, what kind of game they play and what are the stakes in the game. I am not going to be used by anyone.
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