I think that was all I can do for now…

I had cup of coffee with Feinlyn. This time we met in the middle in the Glass Edge at the Jarizza. I felt I had to talk with him. I needed to understand that what if I agree once to let him to kneel at my feats, what then. It was awkward discussion but I think it was good we had it. It all comes to it being voluntary and feeling it to be “right” for both and as long as I can’t feel comfortable accepting option that what if it would feel right to him and he would want to belong to me he won’t force me to situation at all.

In a way I feel relieved. I think I could have been ok with it once, as a gift to a friend if there wouldn’t be any strings attached. I wouldn’t have been a person who tries to manipulate him or tries to brainwash him to believe something. But he wants more; he wants me to be willing to accept him, if it would feel right for him… and he seems to believe quite strongly that it would feel correct. The words he used made me actually thinking he is mixing in his head religion and submissive/dominant relationships. But in any case I don’t look any that sort of relationship. I don’t want to be worshipped nor do I look another relationship and being dominant to someone hasn’t ever been my thing.

But after this I don’t have to wonder what I should do. Since the answer is simple, it’s NO. I am not willing to be what he wants. I can be friend, help him to take steps out from the depression, if he selects to want my help, but I can’t do more than that.

Once more I tried to convince him that his current environment is not good for him and he should let himself to have time to heal in neutral environment. He seemed like close to fall into drinking again. If he would allow himself to heal first he could trust more into his feelings that they are something he really wants and not that he wants just something... anything to fill the void he has inside him. For a moment I think he looked like he started to think about it… I hope he continues to think about it.

I think that was all I can do for now…