We have been very discreet but observant person can count 1+1...

I and Ulf agreed that we are now “together”, we are couple. It doesn’t change rules to any direction or anything, but it still gives me warm feeling.

I have started to write about Ulf several times now. But my thoughts end up wandering around and I don’t get anything coherent written. Other topics are so much smaller, easier to handle. He as topic is so huge and it leads to other huge topics like Roc and what I personally want, it leads daydreaming of things I don’t think are possible.

We have kept seeing more or less regularly. The feeling I just want snuggle close to him keep being there from time to another is amazing. I just want to be close to him, lean to him... and well just be there. I could just sit hours under his arm hugging him and talk with him... and well we seem to do that a lot. With other guys it has been somewhat different, there have been flirt, seduction, and closeness yes. On some level I have always went fast to close and personal with every guy with whom there is signal for something serious and long lasting, but this is different. We end up talking the strangest topics, but as an end result it feels like we are learning to know each others on all the levels. It is also great that he is no CEO, alliance leader, clan head... he has less duties that fill his head and take him away from me.

The other week we had discussion that gave more fuel for my daydreams. We talked about relationships and future. “I know I can't keep you forever. You need a proper Sebiestor wife that gives you children someday.” … “My Aunties want there to be children. I don't have to be married for that.” After that he ended up telling me about clan politics. Atamaharas are matrilocal, they expect their women to stay in the clan and expect their men to move out when they are married out. Apparently children are important to Atamaharas, but even more relevant is either connections to other clans, but it might be also relevant to them to keep wealth in the family as in keep pilot in the clan and not marry him away. He hinted he wished that aunties would want to keep him in the clan because he is pilot, but if good enough offer is made the aunties would expect him to marry. I know I said to him “I know I can't keep you forever”, but I really don't want to think about it. He already now means more to me I want to admit. Afterward he asked me " So, what was that you were going to say about keeping me forever?". That was so hard question, I really didn't know what should I say to him after that discussion. I just couldn't blurt out how far my daydreams already had went... so I ended up saying just something vague "Well I might be tempted, ... if it turns out this ain't just a temporary crush." That is enough this point, no need to scare him with how strongly I feel.

We have started to be together publicly too. Of course I have mentioned to Roc, but we also left from BIONE party together and I visited shortly Re-aw party. I gave light kiss to him in vicinity of Gottii, shared a bedroom with him even though Gottii is probably only one to notice it since we were last to go to sleep and I was leaving already before others were awake. We have been very discreet but observant person can count 1+1.