CJ is now from clan Avenar and has Wolf's Teeth as her mark...

I feel so honored that CJ invited GRD and EM as her “family” to her voluval ceremony or more like joining the clan ceremony and voluval ceremony. She gave me possibility to be part of that unique moment even we don't know that well.

The first rite was hard to watch … the Rite of Einherjar. Its good that the shaman warned us beforehand: “War is a cruel, harsh and injust mistress, and so must some of our ways appear to outsiders. I would ask that you that at least here, in the sight of our ancestors, to at least respect our traditions if not agree with them” ... “For a thousand winters our people labored under the Cursed Ones, with their false ways and biting whips. We endured pains and trials that would break lesser people. Yet still, while our people were chained, we never accepted defeat. We never stopped teaching the old ways in secret places, we never forgot the ways of the past or the promise of the future. Generations of warriors lived and died with little hope to themselves, endured untold suffering so the Ways could exist today.”

At least they didn't whip her... but they did beat her.. badly. She was made to fight 4 Brutors, a young man just got his Voluval, full man with his best age, old warrior past the best age and finally Gottii. She was beaten really badly. I didn't know what to expect... some fighting because its warrior clan of Brutors... but not this. A fair fight would have been against one of these guys.. not 4 of them. It was pretty bad just to sit there and watch them to beat CJ, but in a way I was same time so proud of CJ, she didn't give up, she just got up time after time even they hurt her so badly. Eva explained that it's not about winning as such but endurance against the overwhelming enemy and spirit to just continue. What she said made sense and made me actually understand the earlier words of the shaman. I don't agree that same needs to be repeated in the rite, but I kind of understand it. After this she was part of the clan.

Before Voluval she and Jacob had to take the Rite of Cleansing as well. I thought watching the first rite was hard, but in a way even this didn't involve physical violence this was as hard to watch as the Rite of Einherjar. They had to tell all the sorest experiences that have kept bothering them and give those to the fire... clean themselves from that burden.

“So, here, in this place, in front of Clan, Lodge, and family, they are gathered to give those shadows to the Fire, to force them from their bodies, and to find calm within, and to rid themselves of things never be spoken of again.”

Being slaves and deeds they had to do were core of the sore spots for both of them, but there was some very personal things they had to tell aloud... and it can't have been easy.

“I had...found companionship in the arms of an outsider, one not of the People. Yet, I, like many of the Brutor here...I am descended from the Vri'Tosh, and when the Cursed Ones vile touch finally brought me low...she...left... I...I knew shame, shame that I was born with the touch of the Cursed Ones, shame that they could still touch my life...shame that I carry their mark in my body...shame that I was once a slave...” ... “It is this shame that I give to the Fire. Never again will I apologize for that which I cant control...never again will I shame my ancestors by apologizing for the evils done to them”

He must have been talking about Ciarente. It can't have been easy to admit how much she managed to hurt him in front of us all from the EM.

“I ...When I was a slave .. the girls ...would be given to the men who had worked best or as punishment.” … “I wasn't obedient. I was punished a lot” … “I've carried that with me never wanting to be close to the men of my tribe, never trusting them because of what those slaves did to me” … “I give that pain to the fire” I so wanted to go and hug CJ. I am not sure which was more painful to her take that hard physical beating in previous Rite or go through all that emotional pain in this one. I hope the rite really works and cleans them from the pain.

I have known that CJ is ex-slave and on intellectual level I think I have been able to guess what has happened to her, but listening it like that and seeing her tears makes it so much more concrete... it makes it so much more concrete than a vague guess when I am thinking other girls, who I know that have been slaves in their past... or who still are. I have seen scars in Anuko's back and I know she has issues with relationships to men... even she doesn't remember her past but only has horrible nightmares... its pretty good guess what has happened to her too. Before this evening it was more concrete with Anuko than with CJ since Anuko has been broken and CJ a survivor. Zorra reminds me of CJ, she seems survivor too … I can't stop thinking that has something similar happened to her too and should she get counseling to it as soon as possible so that it wouldn't keep shadowing her life as it has been shadowing CJ's. I want to ask CJ's opinion, but shaman said “never be spoken of again.” Does that mean we shouldn't take these topics up never with them? But the train of thought continues.... I wonder what kind of life Gina has... how Grr punishes her... and I don't have any means to help her.

Thank god there wasn't any other painful rites more before the Rite of Voluval. They both got marks to chest and they both got marks of Wolf.. the Wolf's Eye for Jacob and Wolf's Teeth for CJ. If I understand correctly chest is good location to have the mark. It had some significance that they both were Wolf's marks but I didn't quote catch what.

Even the day was hard and painful the end was worth it. CJ is now from clan Avenar and has Wolf's Teeth as her mark!