I don't want mess this up...

Roc is finally back in space and back in Pator. It's wonderful that I have him home at nights, but it also means that I finally also need to face the tricky part of dating two guys or more like the tricky part of a new relationship. Both Roc and Ulf are from same social circles, they need to learn to be in same social occasion with me and they need to get used to idea having one of them in my bed sleeping. Yesterday I first time told Roc that I might have Ulf couple of hours taking a nap with me in our home. I am not really sure how he took it. He was very neutral and told me that it should be at least 6 hours before he is home, but in the morning I also found him sleeping at couch with pile of reports. It could be just like usually that he did too much work, but it could be that he didn't want to go sleep alone or take risk and see if Ulf is still with me sleeping... I think I need to talk with him.

I was wondering would Roc come to CJ's Voluval, it would have been first time for me, him and Ulf to be in same social occasion. Maybe it was good he didn't come, maybe it's easier to all of us if the first occasion is less formal, less full of hard emotions, lighter. What ever I would have done there it would have been hard for one of them, I squeezed most of the time Ulf's hand and regardless who's hand I would have hold there the other one probably would have felt bad, if I would have kept my feelings just for myself they both would have felt bad and not know what to do when the other one is there.

I wonder how come it was so easy for me and Cierrelle to start to be in same social occasions. Maybe it was because we had talked about sharing Roc and found out that we totally understand each others. I know that Roc needs someone from the clan to give him children, be there for the clan and I wouldn't be that and Cierelle knows that pilot implants make us almost immortal, we stay young when she gets old and that the world of pilots is something where she can't fully support Roc and he needs a companion in that world. I guess in the beginning I and Cierrelle also silently divided the social occasions between us and the one, whose occasion it was, got most of Roc. I don't know what Roc did but he also managed to make us feel like neither of us was neglected. I just hope I manage to make both of them feel like that. I don't want mess this up.