Life gives and life takes...

Celebrating Ulf’s birthday with just the two of us was really nice. He had ordered ala carte dinner, bubbly and server to his home and we had enjoyable, sweet and private evening together. It made me realize that it has been a while since we last had more romantic date. We have spent evenings together at home and we have gone for ad-hoc beer occasionally, but we haven’t done actual dates since the early phases of the relationship. Having special dates for a change was surprisingly nice and romantic; I hadn’t expected to miss them that much. It also made me realize that our relationship has lost the first rush of romantic moments and viewing it through pink glasses and is now more everyday thing than special moments. Same time it’s nice that we have made this far but in a way also bit sad. In general we make each others happy, even others see it. Ulf said that when we are out together others look us jealously. I hadn’t realized that, but I guess it is true.

Next evening alone at home was worse than usual. The contrast between nice and happy evening with Ulf and the empty apartment that was supposed to be our apartment, mine and Roc’s and Cierelle’s, was so huge. I think I need to face the truth; our relationship didn’t last in the everyday life. I thought Roc was a station brat like me, but I was wrong. He has built life to planet side; clan, Cierelle, kids, duty and he feels like he belongs there. He has good life there. His place is with his family, but my life is in the space. Truth hurts, but avoiding acknowledging it hurts even more. Oh well, life gives and life takes.